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Saturday, July 30, 2011

#1 (Cont'd) - Just give me the Scarlet Letter

So when I first started writing this blog I was keen on telling the story of my first time.

you can see where this is continued from in Part One, a waaaayyy earlier blog posting.

The summer we hooked up, we had sex everywhere
the drive in, various cars
his house, my house
just everywhere, we was young and horny.

I had just started first year university and he was...oh i guess grade 11 now :/
Sometime in november, we had sex in his shower which i guess he just thought was so great or different or something that he had to write it all down in detail in a journal he had just started to write in (since this encounter was the first thing he had ever written in it).

For some reason his mother, saw the book and decided to open and read it.
That night he was confronted by his parents, the fear of GOD was no being placed into him and he ended up telling them that it was me that he was sleeping with.

Now at this time, since i had outgrown senior high (grades 9-12), I became a leader for junior high (aka kids in grade 7 and 8). His younger sister was in grade 7 at the time and thus on that tuesday night after the junior high stuff was over, his father and him came to pick up his sister as well as confront me.

Even though it had been a bit of time since the shower sex, his parents had convinced him that for sure i was pregnant or something because he came to me crying in the church after junior high which was around 930 pm and was so sorry that they knew and that i should go get plan b, yada yada.



All this commotion obviously brought attention to us and the head youth leaders noticed, so they naturally asked what was wrong. I DEFINATELY did not want to tell them but he was young and naive and so told them.
We; me, him, and the youth leader, all went together to get plan b and on the way back found out that we had to go talk to the head heaaaad youth leader which is where SHIT hits the fan.

I was told that i could be charged since i am in a position of leadership and this scared the bejesus out of me so i did as i was told.

Bearing in mind i was still only a year living in this new place so the only people i knew were the people that were still in senior high or kids from church that were my age but obviously off to university (I stayed home and decided to commute).
My conditions or rules were as follows:
1. can't talk to #1 anymore (also happened to be my best friend)
2. can't talk to anyone that was still in senior high
3. can't tell anyone who is my own age about what is happenning in case any parents or what not find out and it tarnishes the youth groups image
4. go to minimum of 3 sessions of counselling (therapy sessions), where at the end the therapist tells the head heeeead youth leader a summary report - ya know, sorry about what happened, repentive, christian, etc - honestly i still don't know wtf they were looking for
5. suggested that when i go to church on sundays i should go in from the side entrance, so as to avoid the possibility of running into anyone that i know that i may be tempted to talk to.

All of these conditions were sent into place probably sometime the end of november because "in the new year" i could go back to normal because they felt that was enough time for everything to blow over.

That was the first time I had ever experienced real and true depression. I did all of the above, and acted like a proper person in front of the right people, a leper albeit.

For many years I blamed him for this happening to me, but I know now 5 years later that he was really truly sorry and never meant for any of this to happen.
But it did and I survived, however I never will feel the same about church (fake), boys (untrustworthy), myself (always look out for yourself)

To this day, I still love this fucking kid and we def will be friends for a time.

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